Up & down days…
Lately I am forever competing against myself, constantly wanting to get everything done. which usually results in very little getting done at all where I’ve ended up stressing out over the smallest thing.
The tough days are triggered by tiredness – I mean in my opinion, tiredness is almost always a recipe for disaster when you have two adventurous little girls, and a 12 week old baby who just loves and wants you all the time. Tiredness pulls the wool over your eyes (ironic huh?) and makes you think that the children *know* you’re tired, had very little sleep and are plotting all day to make your day hard – as if!
They’re just little people with big imaginations and a huge bag of energy ready for each day at 6am. They don’t know how you’re feeling, that all you want to do is sleep until summer, they just want you to get their breakfast ready, and entertain them or set up play opportunities for them. On a good day, we do this, the bad days I find myself very impatient – with them and myself for not completing my never ending to-do list, and I then end up tearing myself apart for feeling that way.
I want to be the fun mum, who does all these things all the time. But tiredness gets in the way sometimes and when it does it’s sometimes hard to focus on all the good days.
But in actual fact this is the remedy that’s needed. Because when I feel rubbish, baby wanting all the cuddles in the world at one time, waking up from a nap that you’ve just got him to go down for only 20mins ago, both girls wanting my attention in different areas, the washing pile is falling over, the mess on the floor is shocking and the sound of CBeebies makes me want to chop my ears off. I just close my eyes, and think –
These years are short, baby curls and rolls will not be visible for long, the sound of my baby cooing and looking up at me ever so lovingly makes my heart want to burst each time, the look in my three year olds eyes when she’s achieved a puzzle or asking for my help when colouring is a blessing, when little H wants me to watch The Gruffalo with her, or do drawing around her hand – I smile and enjoy the extra cuddle and draw around that little hand remembering that they will not be this small forever, the smell of my babies soft skin, the girls infectious laughing, watching them kiss, cuddle and exchange “I love you’s” – these are the things to remember.