As I kissed my girls sweet faces good night, nursed & rocked my darling boy to sleep, said I love you to all three, it hit me. I stare at their peaceful faces in sweet slumbers – watching them as they may be dreaming of all the things they’ve learnt recently, gently taking in their sweet smell, simply adoring their beautiful presence. It makes my heart pound with joy, pride and a love so powerful.
I gaze at them in astonishment, my three little babies are no longer newborn, even Phoenix. The past few days I have seen him starting to chase his sisters in his walker, trying with much determination to crawl, calling out “baba” & “mama” and developing a huge interest in his food. He’s revealing a beautiful personality, happy, smiley and loving. My Girls are blossoming every single day, they have determination, charisma, humour, an unbreakable bond, & are ever so loving. They are growing so fast that my heart aches. When I get caught up in daily tasks I’ll then get into conversations with them – then it hit me. I can have conversations with my children? full. blown. conversations. – How can this be? That my Yves is now teaching me ways of life, opening my eyes to a whole new perspective without even realising it. Without knowing the impact of her innocent words, her gentle spirit flowing into my heart. That my little Hal-Belle has the most bonkers little personality, she teaches me not to take myself so seriously, to have a laugh at small things, to know that dancing and giggling your socks off really is the best medicine. It seems just like yesterday that I went from being Natalie to being Mummy – having someone solely dependent on me. then I had two little people, then three.
These three remarkable little souls have captivated me from the moment I laid eyes on each of them, they have made me a better person, make me see life in a way that I never knew I would, and have made me grateful for everything & everyone who surrounds me. Even writing this post I have a huge sense of emotion rushing through me, knowing just how lucky I really am. You now the kind of happy that you can literally feel buzzing inside you? that warm, fuzzy, content feeling. I can’t imagine my life any other way.
Sometimes this rush of emotion can begin to feel a little overwhelming, in the best possible way but I have feelings of – if I am doing a good enough job? am I doing enough? Trying to blog our special life together and feeling like i’m not doing enough to remember? What about time for me? Time for their Daddy & I? undisturbed sleep? feeling like a house wife failure when the house gets messy and so on..
But as much as tiredness gets in the way sometimes, these feelings pop up.. I reflect & know that I have a huge feeling of thankfulness for it all. For when it comes to the night feeds and gentle hugs, sneaky snuggles from my girls when they seek comfort.
They’re not small for long, they will not be like this forever, and to be honest when the time comes that they feel they don’t need me for these small moments like a hug in the night – it will be heartbreaking. I will mourn for their gentle touch in the night, twiddling my hair as they snuggle, just to have my babies small once more.
Tiredness aside – I will embrace it all for as long as I possibly can.
I treasure these snuggles deeply.
Sweet dreams my beautiful girls.