Expecting our fourth baby, Poorly months and huge reassurance.
On the 29th of June, I had a funny little feeling that I should do a pregnancy test after feeling a little rotten for a few days. It was the day I was due my period and after those few minutes of waiting – news revealed that our lives were once more about to change with a fourth pregnancy. I always said to myself that if we were to have another little baby, that once I found out, I wanted to surprise Mr T in a completely different way to just telling him like I did with the other three. Of course the moment itself is so special to break that news, being out last time I thought I would do it it a fun way almost. But after sitting down and evaluating the emotions for a short while, I felt the need to immediately pick up the phone and tell him, I was in utter disbelief, shock and just in a zone to be honest. It’s funny when you find something out like that as it seems like all you’ve done is pee on a stick, but that peeing on a stick utterly changes your world even without doing anything physically at that stage. You then sit and think about what’s to come, all of the rough feeling, poorly days/weeks/months etc, how to tell everyone, how to tell your little ones, how they will feel, how it changes things. In that lament of shock it completely hits you.
I think the best way to describe this pregnancy is a happy surprise, after all those feeling above, and those shitty weeks start to creep up on you, no matter how rubbish you’re feeling you can’t help but feel that all of this is proof that there’s things going on in there, which is a good sign right? Well to some extent yes, but for me, this time has been such a roller coaster and has left me in limbo for the first few months up until my dating scan, I felt so bad with the combination of extreme ocular migraines, nausea but thankfully not sickness (other than a 24hr sickness bug I got a month or so ago), lots of tests as to why I was always so out of breath and having very high heart rates and palpitations. Turns out I had fluctuated levels of my thyroid which may have caused it, that luckily calmed down. I’m still waiting on some results as it still happens from time to time. In my experience from my three previous pregnancies, I always have low blood pressure, and get anaemia so this all contributed. Anyway, with all that in mind, I was constantly wishing the dating scan to approach, I just needed to know our little baby was growing healthy, and I needed to see that heart beating. To give me peace of mind that mall of the above had been a good sign and not a bad indication of sad news to come.
I was lucky enough to have a 3d scan at just under 12 weeks with the research midwives who I was in a study with when expecting Phoenix. The wonderful study is called the Interbio 21st, and does great research into the growth of babies in the womb, and finding out reason for premature and small babies. Now when I was pregnant with Phoenix, this was a new study and I was lucky enough to get 3d scans once a month throughout the whole pregnancy, the study then goes up to when the baby is born, they take samples from the placenta to check, then I checked my blood pressure for two weeks after birth. He then had a check at one year, and will have a follow up at two years. So after all that time, they have moved forward with the study and this time, my lovely research midwife has said as I was a great candidate, they will offer me another 3d scan at 30 weeks to get some lovely photos of baby (not the lower part as we won’t find out the sex!) but I can’t be in the full study due to not meeting the criteria – having big healthy babies, ha. I’m still really excited for the 30 week scan though! So back to what I was saying, I went along to this scan alone with Phoenix, and it was very quick, I got a glimpse at our little baby but it didn’t go into depth of the heartbeat and health as such, they wanted to go over this in the dating scan.
Once we had our dating scan, that first moment when i set my worrying heart and desperate eyes on that black screen – it was such an amazing feeling. Doing it for the fourth time doesn’t shake the feeling of how special and sacred it is. The rush of emotions running through, seeing the happiness on my partners face, the girls looking in disbelief. Something so special in that half hour that changed our lives. Learning that in that moment, our little baby was growing healthy, kicking about doing somersaults and literally waving at the camera – you can see this in my previous post with the scan photo! The girls kept giggling that it was waving, then telling us how they could hear the healthy heartbeat, once we walked out grasping the scan photos in our hands, the girls were skipping all giddy with excitement, Mr T and I were just looking at one after still in complete happy shock that this was happening.
In all honesty I thought that if we had a fourth, it would have the same age gap as with the girls, where as this time Phoenix will be 2years 3 months when the baby is born. Where as the girls were both only a year and a half old at the time of a newborn coming to join our family. So it’s been a bizarre and different feeling, but equally lovely as he will be that little bit older to understand come April next year. Yves is super excited that it will be an ‘Easter month baby’ and Halle has said that she will get her ‘baby Elsa’ as an early birthday present (she hasn’t taken in yet that it could come out a boy!)
I’ve written recently about my concerns this time as I still have a bad case of diastasis recti, but I am not going to let the severity of it dampen the way I want to enjoy and embrace our last journey through pregnancy… So another rambling post from me again, I just have so many feelings I want to talk about but can’t seem to find the right words! I will have my pregnancy updates coming very soon, I’m in the process of sorting out my scheduling with them so its not too bombarding. I still write in my little pumpkin pattern diary that I started on the day I found out we were expecting out Yve’s and have written all my maternity notes, feelings and updates in there with all three and theres still space for this little ones too. So along with that, I will be posting here, I’m still deciding whether to do weekly/ monthly/ blog/ or vlogs yet (that last one i am thinking hard about as I’m such an awkward person in front of the camera, I’m use to being behind it!) we’ll see, but if you fancy joining us on our new little journey, I’d love it!