The eve of my first born baby’s fifth birthday has approached while we have come away down to Devon for the week and I am currently sat writing this post as she is laid in the curl of my lap, snuggled to snug and looking like the image of her baby self all those years ago. Deep breaths of contentment, warmth, the feeling of safety while cuddling in to her Mama. I’ve always been such a sentimental type of person, I wear my heart on my sleeve and in particular I feel such true emotions when reflecting on time that’s passed. Time is precious and when you’re creating a life and living your life with those people, the years become even more sacred. Especially when those people are your children.
So with each soft rhythm of her breathing in sync with mine, it’s bringing me to think so much about the night I brought her into this world to live this life with us. The fact that it’s now five whole years since our heartbeats were physically closer than ever, when she solely depended on me for her life to truly begin. The night I gave birth to her was the one that changed me forever, I went from simply being Natalie, to being someone’s mother, her mother. That night, my mothers instinct button had been switched on 110% percent and I made a promise to never fault with that. Our journey wasn’t always easy especially in the early weeks and months when we were really struggling with our breastfeeding challenges, not to mention wondering if I was ever good enough. After around three months we finally got there, the point that breastfeeding was actually starting to feel like I had imagined, what our experiences should’ve been. Aside from this I love to remember all the little ordinary moments, simple little memories like after those awfully painful feeds, she would relax on my chest and be in such a deep and content sleep. The sound and smell of a newborn tucked under my chin will never grow old, or our little dates popping into Starbucks to have a little hot chocolate while she took her nap, basically spending every day at different playgroups with friends, the way she got so excited when Daddy returned home from work each day, our little snuggles in the afternoon just the two of us, our little holidays as a family of three, then we have the not so fun moments when we faced life just the two of us at home while waiting for Daddy to be reunited with us. I want her to know just how grateful I will forever be for how she kept me going, how we made it through the storm together despite her only being just over the age of one. Children have the most magical way in which they can show you how to be brave in whatever life throws at you, this girl made that happen with ease. I cannot possibly describe the amount of love, pride and happiness I feel burning inside of me for how this little girl lights up my life.
This evening, we will be waving goodbye to the chapter of our first born little baby being four years old, still forever storing our memories of the previous few years, still having the thoughts of how time is moving so rapidly, but in the morning we will welcome the next chapter of our little girl turning five. I look at the person she is becoming every single day and what she’s achieved so far and she astounds me with her way of life, her positivity, her love for others. She knows her worth, she knows what she likes and the things she doesn’t like so much, knowing her own mind, and knowing how to make others feel special, how to make them laugh. She is someone everyone needs in their life, one of a kind.
That being said, I’m really hoping that we remain just as close, if not grow even closer as the years do go by, having parent who you feel close to, and feel secure is talking to is something anyone wishes for, and what parents wish for that their children will return the feelings. I had this with only my Dad when growing up but I hope our little girl will feel the same with both parents. I have heard there’s something so special about a mother-daughter bond, I never felt that growing up but I will forever offer that to my little girl, all of our little ones in fact. I will forever grieve the time that’s never coming back but I am happy to know that we have plenty of time together in the future.
Mama daughter selfie as you do.